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And Now - Poetic Expression
blackness consumes
how can it go from feeling so good
to feeling so bad
in a moment
there is so much pain
devastation
despair
utter hopelessness
why
where did it start
was it true we didn't
'hit it off'
did bad things happen
i don't remember any
"most people don't"
you said
only remembering a childhood
filled with pain
hurting
despair
utter hopelessness
but for no reason
circumstances normal
the world intact
my inner self
shattered
and now
coming back to settle
again
inside me
where is the original wound
does it even matter
you say it doesn't
he says it does
and now
it doesn't matter
cos there's only blackness
and the desire
the craving
the need
to see that blackness on me
on my skin
in my flesh
in my vulnerability
my needing care
blackness of bruises
broken bones
cuts
or scratches
"superficial"
as though they don't
really matter
they matter to me
how can i reach out
to be hurt
each and every time
just waiting
for the abandonment to come
and now
and now
and now it comes
to wash over me
the not caring
the apathy
the fear
"laziness"
it rests on my face
like a huntsman
that all stare at
and point
and now
that's just it
i don't have a point
ravings
free association
words
like tears
that came earlier
but were stifled
like blood
that i wish for
like the stark white
of hospital sheets
and plastic pillows
a needle
a pill
let's nurture
the poor sick girl
who everyone thinks
isn't really sick
only stupid
but we'll indulge her
and perhaps
they're right
too true
is it me
you
us
have you made me like this
have i made my bed
to lie in it so uncomfortably
and now
it comes
the question
is it real
and doubt
doubt
doubt
is my worst enemy
all that's real is the pain
blood
white
how can i be so frozen that
i hurt
myself to feel
to feel anything
anything at all
and all around
voices
saying this
talking
saying that
talking at me
in me
through me
for me
and where am i
just in pain |
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The copyright for this content entitled "And Now - Poetic Expression" has been specified by the contributor as:
All Rights Reserved
This content may not be copied, distributed or adapted by anyone under any circumstances.
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This intel was contributed by rylah
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May, 2012
2008
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